MYSTERY STORY TIME

221cbakerstreet:

latinkilledtheromans:

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

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And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

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As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

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Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

It came all the way from Italy and this is how you welcome it

@danithedeaddeer

(via hole-milks-blog)

destinyrush:

Unarmed Black Man With Hands Up Shot By Police.

Charles Kinsey, 47, a behavior therapist from South Florida was shot in the leg three times by the police in North Miami while laying on the ground with his arms up and trying to help his patient with autism who had run away from a group home.

It all started when someone called 911 and said there was a man walking around with a gun. However it was Kinsey’s patient who was sitting on the ground cross-legged, playing with a toy truck.

Charles got shot by police despite telling them he was only trying to help his patient.

The police shot him, handcuffed him and left him on ground bleeding.

North Miami police have not released much information at all. They haven’t released the officer’s name, they haven’t given us an update on the investigation. However, they did say that the state attorney is now a part of this investigation.

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#CharlesKinsey   #BlackLivesMatter 

#StopPoliceBrutality   #NorthMiamiPoliceDepartment

(via intoxifaded)

easilyhumored:

All y'all on here who use the metric system in your daily lives are lucky as heck because Pokemon Go is personally targeting me, a God-fearing, patriotic, hardworking American who doesn’t know what the hell a kilometer is

(via jessikuhsoup-deactivated2017061)

alienated-kid:
“yikes I feel like the Internet is the only place that hasn’t destroyed me as a person which is ironic
”

alienated-kid:

yikes I feel like the Internet is the only place that hasn’t destroyed me as a person which is ironic

pitifulpetal:
“ oshihidra:
“ cyberpunkdva:
“ Reblog Money Pidgey within 30 seconds and you will be blessed with all the rare Pokémon for the next seven days.
”
update: I opened Go after reblogging this and there was a fucking cp362 Venomoth in my...

pitifulpetal:

oshihidra:

cyberpunkdva:

Reblog Money Pidgey within 30 seconds and you will be blessed with all the rare Pokémon for the next seven days.

update: I opened Go after reblogging this and there was a fucking cp362 Venomoth in my front yard. thank you money pidgey.

I ONLY LIKED THIS AND I OPENED GO AFTER CLOSING TUMBLR AND I CAUGHT A CP350 EEVEE IN MY YARD NOW IM BACK TO REBLOG MONEY PIDGEY

(via rydenarmani)

ive-got-a-dark-side:

lotrlocked:

get-your-ass-in-the-impala:

smurflewis:

gaysfinest:

Don’t tell your daughter that when a boy is mean or rude to her it’s because he has a crush on her. Don’t teach her that abuse is a sign of love.

My mom always taught me yell or fight back. Boys would be mean and I would yell back. I would get my ass pinched and I would smack them as hard as I could.

Who alway got in trouble? Me.

They would call my mother and she always came in and lectures my teachers and threatened to sue for making her miss work and treating me poorly.

She always taught my brothers to respect women. The only fights my brothers ever got in was defending women from someone else.

The school tried to call my father once instead of my mother on us. He came in in his full preacher outfit (being a preacher and all) and gave them an entire sermon on what would Jesus day of he was called in. They decided dealing with my mom was better.

I think my favorite story of this is when some kid snapped my bra and I turned around, didn’t even think about it, and punched that little motherfucker right in the nose.

So naturally, I end up in the principal’s office, refusing to apologize. 

“He shouldn’t have put his hands on me and I wouldn’t have hit him!” That’s the only thing I was saying.

These people had the unfortunate luck of catching my dad at home, instead of my mom. So he comes fucking sauntering in there, like he’s Clint fucking Eastwood in some western movie and looks at me. 

“Melissa, did you punch him?” 

“Yes.” I said. 

“Why?” 

“Because he snapped my bra strap.” 

And he turns his squinty eyed glare to the principal and says, “You’re telling me my daughter is in trouble because that squirrely looking kid put his hands on her and she chose to defend herself? That’s what you are saying to me.” 

“Well, sir-” The man kind of stuttered because my dad is kind of intimidating in the quiet sort of way that kind of whispers in the back of your mind that this person could be dangerous. “Melissa did make it physical.” 

“No. That kid put his hands on my daughter. Are you saying my daughter cannot defend herself when some boy decides to put hands on her? Is that what you are teaching my girl?” 

I didn’t get suspended that day.  

*slow clap for excellent parenting*

This is the parent I want to be omg

(via betataeil)

good shit 💪💪💪


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