I Promise.

demho3zhatinq:

billy:

if you step on a person’s foot they open their mouths, just like trash cans.

LMAO WHY AM I STILL LAUGHING AT THIS

(via itscoldinwonderland)

lild0ll:

i wish sex work was a as easy as everyone who belittles it says it is like i would be head over heels if i could make a couple extra thousand each month just taking off my clothes on camera

(via yoshiwara-niisan)

kumagawa:

kumagawa:

The city of flint are issuing out liens for water bills, and are actually seizing homes for unpaid bills. I’ve been paying 20% of this inflated bill every month, but they sent me a lien anyway and they’ve started taking homes and i’m really at wits end. I’ve just finished paying off two bills, and they purposely delay mailing the letters out with an earlier date to fuck people up and it’s just an extremely shady situation; the entire city hall staff has been MIA since a town meeting; there are dwindling cases of water and water stations are supposed to end in a few months. No pipework has been done at all, and we’re still forced to either pay for this tainted water or lose our homes, and i’m terrified. I really need help.

The city is talking about my inflated total is 1541.00 due by the 19th of May, I’m going downtown first thing in the morning to contest this but I’m terrified – they’ve already taken the home of some folks i went to high school with, for a bill of just 500 man. This shit is just so dirty and frustrating man, they putting entire families out on the streets and they took back the water credits Snyder promised us last year man. Like please, I really need any help I can get I’m talking with my job to get a 2 weeks advance but I’m terrified man. If you can spread the word or donate to beiialedge@aol.com, i’d be so fucking grateful. Please, just keep me and this city in your prayers man

thank you guys so fucking much ive received 361.24 so far, honestly thank you so fucking much

(via prin-xxx-ess)

depressionmeal:

A forkful of peanut butter because all your spoons are dirty

(via nympheminist-deactivated2018030)

yourplayersaidwhat:

Context- We’re a mostly evil party composed of a Human Necromancer (me), a Deep-Dwarf Barbarian, an Elven Ranger and his wolf companion, and a Halfling Rouge/Bard. It was an adventure’s league Dnd game, so while the players and characters knew each other, the poor DM was ill prepared for our… weirdness.

Dm: Alright, with the bandits dispatched, the forest regains its previous calm. What would you like to do.

Halfling: ASSUME POSITIONS!!!

-The party then proceeds to line up single file after piling the bodies on top of one another.

Dm: What are you doing exactly?

Halfling (OOC): Oh, It’s very simple. The ranger checks a body for valuables, I check any of those for magic. 

Dwarf (OOC): The body gets passed to me and the wolf, who proceed to eat most of the meat off them. (The dwarf has gone a little crazy, and has a taste for raw meat, especially elf)

Necromancer (OOC): Lastly, I take what’s left, turn what I can into skeletons, and throw the leftovers into my Bag of Holding for later use. 

Dm, completely dumbfounded: W…Well…Fair enough. 

-A few in-game-minutes later, the battlefield’s cleaned of corpses, save our new minions. A bit of spell casting and Rangerly-track hiding left the forest trail pristine, leaving anyone following us completely oblivious to the grotesque fate of the bandits. 

(via yourplayersaidwhat)

spinejackel:

I recently found my “gold” hammer after misplacing it. It’s my favorite tool ever because it looks like a regular hammer trying to be fancy,

but then you twist both halves and unscrew it to find a flat-head screwdriver in the middle.

BUT, if you twist the very end and unscrew that

you find a phillips screwdriver.

BUT DON’T THINK THAT’S ALL THERE IS! THERE’S MORE!! unscrew the very end again to find a smaller flat-head screwdriver!

BUT THAT’S STILL NOT THE END!!

unscrew the end of this screwdriver to find a final, teeny tiny, flat-head screwdriver

look at how cute it is!

it’s like a matryoshka doll of tools.

(via lick-my-reed)