Cleric: Those cookies are drugged.
Spy: I know.
Me: So why are you eating them?
Spy: I mean, I shot at the woman. I want to be polite.
Me: By letting her drug you?
Spy: Yeah, sure.
20.
Blessed are the Poor!
D&D 5e
Context: We took 8 sessions (32 irl hours) to deliver a mysterious box to a far away mages guild. Finally, on the last session, 5 out of 6 of the party go to claim the reward, whilst the 6th member (Neutral Good Cleric, who joined the party late and so wasn’t officially on the delivery quest) stays on the boat to help the NPC survivors of our journey, sacrificing his share of the reward in order to help.
*In the Guild*
Guild Member: Thank you for this. We have been waiting an awfully long time for these components.
Rogue: Yes, it was a hard journey. We were told there was a reward?
Guild Member: A substantial one! 60,000 gold pieces will be transferred to your assigned guild bag
Mech Construct and Barbarian (simultaneously): Our WHAT!?
Guild Member: You should have received one at the start of your quest?
Barbarian: We didn’t get a bag!!!
DM: Guys…you remember that bag that you looted off your teammates corpse a few sessions back?
All players begin to remember
DM: Yes, that one. The bag that you…kind of……left on the ship?
STUNNED SILENCE
Cleric, On the Ship (OOC): I ROLL FOR PERCEPTION!!! *Rolls Mod 20*
DM (laughing): As you pass one of the rooms, you hear a loud thunk and a scattering sound. When you enter, the floor is littered with gold and a strange bag in the corner is filled to the brim
Cleric: BLESSINGS OF NASHAL! NO POOR WILL GO WITHOUT FOOD TODAY!
ENTIRE PARTY RIOTS
(After 10 minutes, the 5 at the guild rolled initiative and started a ‘Rat Race’-style mad dash to the boat, tripping each other up along the way, trying to be the first one to get the 60,000 gold off of the Cleric)
(via yourplayersaidwhat)
DM's Law #39: Into the Fray
Dr. Dungeon Master: Let's face it, nobody likes to spend the majority of a session in slow RP exposition. Players want the quest, but don't always want to go through 2+ hours of buildup before they even get to the action! This is especially true when you are short for time or running a "quick" one-shot.
Dr. DM: The solution, skipping right into the middle of the action and filtering in the background information as you go along. This works if you set it up showing the players their characters are already midway through some shenanigans.
Dr. DM: The other night I tested this theory, getting my one shot crew together and immediately telling them to roll Initiative and mark their HPs as Bloodied (I also marked the monsters as bloodied). Then, during each turn I told the players what their PCs were seeing and what they've done (they robbed a stone giant of his magical goodies and were making their escape while the giant pursued).
Dr. DM: The game became a little like The Hangover, where the party was in a chaotic and confusing situation, left to pick up the pieces while being chased. But, it went very quickly. Pre rolling initiative meant we were in combat already, and the bloodied status meant that the battle had already been going down and we were on the second half! We finished in about an hour, which is sometimes hard for a lvl 6 party of 3.
Dr. DM: The entire encounter included a footrace to escape, dire wolf vs. riding horse, getaway car as a ostrich-pulled Chariot carrying the crippled Warlock strapped in the back, dodging trees being thrown into the road, and knocking a giant off a stone bridge and running over his fingers until he loses his grip and falls into a valley with a roaring river below.
Dr. DM: it was awesome!
Hey, this post may contain sexually explicit content, so we’ve hidden it from public view.
the most jarring thing my dad has ever told me is that we’re the new 60’s
when i asked him what he meant he said that he remembered being a kid in the 60’s, he remembered the long hair and the sex and the push against an older, less tolerant generation for freedom. he was born in 1955 so he wasn’t intimately involved in the progressiveness of it but he said he remembered always understanding the younger generation because they spoke to children like him, children that were being raised in restrictive households that were more prone to rebellion. flash forward to our generation and he’s floored, he’s shocked and a little bit scared because he sees the same passion in us, the same struggle and desire for change but this time he’s the older generation. we’re the new 60’s and he’s the establishment we’re trying to change. and it just strikes me how circular this world is, and how every once in a while a certain generation comes around with their radical, progressive agenda. and one day we’re going to wake up in the future and find ourselves face-to-face with a younger, more progressive generation and we’re going to have to decide if we’re still with them or if we’re the new establishment they’re fighting against
(via aerokiinesis)
Anonymous asked:
Can we see you drool? Please?....
Different places i punch for a nice black eye.
Knuckle focusing on my under eye/eye bag. This bit is quite delicate. I don’t have to hit very hard for this bit to bruise and puff up (plus it hurts quite a bit more)
(I’m not posting these to be educational I’m just showing you what I do, do not use these gifs as a tutorial that’s not my intention)
My beloved friend got her blog deleted. Go and find her again at @thats-disgusting-emily2
Follow her, my minions!
(via blackeyescollector)